Dear FanFiction
by Scarlet Phlame
Summary: The characters from Once Upon A Time finally discover FanFiction. (I own nothing.)
1. Evil Charming- Charming

Dear FanFiction,

I assure you that I do _not _like Regina. Nor do I want to have any romantic relationships with her.

Seriously? Do we have to go over the whole 'Snow is my true love' thing again? Regina hates my guts anyhow.

Sincerely,

Prince Charming

P.S. You should consider enrolling yourselves in therapy.

* * *

**_A/N: Okay, so this is NOT INTENDED TO HURT ANYONE'S FEELINGS, OR OFFEND ANYONE! I'm very sorry if it does, I promise I'm doing this soley for comedy purposes. Besides, if I really hated the ship, I wouldn't have written a FanFiction about it (Succumb To The Darkness)._**

**_R&R, follow, and favorite!_**


	2. Evil Charming- Regina

Dear FanFiction,

What do I have to say to convince you that I DO NOT like David nor do I like Prince Charming? I'm thoroughly disgusted. I would rather kill him than kiss him.

You are all drunk. You are all very, very, very drunk. I welcome you to collide with our town's sign.

Sincerely,

Regina Mills

P.S. If I may inquire, what is 'Evil Charming'? Is it an evil version of Prince Charming or something?

* * *

_**A/N: The PS part was purposely OOC. Most PS parts will be.**_

_**R&R!**_


	3. Red Wolf (Graham's WolfxRuby)- Wolf

Dear FanFiction,

AOOOOOOOOOO. WOOF WOOF. BARK. AOOO. MEOW.

Sincerely,

Graham's Wolf

* * *

Translation:

Dear FanFiction

Don't ship me with Ruby, please. I don't speak English and I can't date. What were you thinking?

Sincerely,

Graham's Wolf

* * *

_**A/N: R&R!**_


	4. Swan Queen- Emma

Dear FanFiction,

Stop. Please, just stop. Just stop! JUST STOP!

I don't like Regina! I'm sorry, I don't! Yeah, she's a nice person, and yeah, we have the same son as wrong as that may sound, but I DON'T LOVE REGINA! Yeah, I help her out sometimes but isn't that a granted? Miss Savior? Hellooo?

Scarred for life,

Emma

P.S. You may be insane but I like the ship name, SwanQueen. It sounds very regal.

Now leave me alone!

* * *

_**I don't read SwanQueen but I do like the ship name, sort of...**_

_**R&R! I hope nobody hates me for this. XD**_


	5. Swan Queen- Regina

Dear FanFiction,

NO.

Sincerely,

Regina

P.S. And just when I thought it couldn't get worse than Evil Charming, it got worse than Evil Charming. SwanQueen? Really?

* * *

_**A/N: R&R!**_


	6. Hooked Beauty (BellexHook)- Belle

Dear FanFiction,

So I recently heard about this new 'Hooked Belle' or 'Belled Hook' ship, and to say the least, I AM NOT PLEASED.

Anyway, me and Hook? Nup. No, no, no. No. No! Gross. You people are so... I can't even. I can't.

Signed,

Belle

P.S. If you like him so much, why don't YOU go date him?

* * *

_**R&R!**_

_**P.S. If you follow my story, OUAT In Disneyland & California Adventure, that will be up in a half hour to an hour. Still making edits. Thanks for your patience! **_


	7. Hooked Beauty- Hook

Dear FanFiction,

Well, I appreciate all the love you've been giving me, but I honestly doubt Belle and I would get together. She's a fine lass, yes, but... er...

Ye know what? I don't think I'll say anything. I just read one.

Hook

P.S. Bloody hell. I'll stay away from those M rated ones from now on.

* * *

_**NOT TARGETING ANYONE! I don't mean it, sorry if you've written or created a HookxBelle fic, I don't mean it! Sorry again!**_

_**On the other hand, please R&R your ship suggestions and prompts. Thank you all and I hope no one is upset!**_


	8. JamesxSnow- James

DEaR FaNFIction,

HoW do You WOrk ThiS? Wait, pressing on the wrong key? Ok, ok. Got it! Got it.

First of all, I'm dead. Wait, let me check. Yep, I'm dead. Very dead. Not coming back dead.

Wait, why am I even explaining this to you? Dead can't come back. Dead is dead. And I am dead!

Stop shipping me with Snow! I'm dead! Done for! Pow! Go away! I didn't know her!

SiNcERely,

James

P.S. I dOn'T UNderStaNd THIs.

* * *

_**Yeah, sorry guys! I had to, I read about this ship on Tumblr. NO ONE HATE ME AGAIN!  
**_

_**Please R&R, and I'll see you next chapter!**_


	9. Golden Swan- Emma

Dear FanFiction,

I'm just curious, who thinks up these things again?

Right. Now I've seen what boredom can do to a person.

Okay, first of all, ME AND GOLD? Just... eew! He's all... nasty... I mean, come on, what's your excuse this time? HE WROTE MY NAME ALL OVER A PAPER LIKE A PSYCHOPATH. Wait, correction, he IS a psychopath.

You know what I think, I think I'm having a nightmare. I think I'm having a really realistic nightmare.

Really Disturbed,

Emma

P.S. NOW FOLLOW KATY PERRY'S SONG LYRICS AND WAKE ME UP!

* * *

_**Golden Swan. You asked for it! ^^ Please R&R and I hope no one is offended again! I actually like some Golden Swan FFNs, like 'Sunshine and Rain' and 'A Simple Kiss'. Ravenclaw992 is brilliant!**_


	10. Golden Swan- Mr Gold

Dear FanFiction,

Emma and I are not and will never get together. I knew she was trouble when I walked in, so shame on you!

-Gold

P.S. Please tell me this is some terrible April Fool's joke.

* * *

_**R&R!**_


	11. Red Swan- Emma

Dear FanFiction,

I had a terrible nightmare last night. I dreamt I was you.

I kid you. But can you honestly tell me what was going through your head when you decided that Ruby and I should start dating? I mean, I can't imagine it, honestly.

Did you just walk around and suddenly think, 'hey, I should write a p*** fic about Ruby and Emma because they just have sooo much chemistry'? Because if you did, I feel terrible for you.

Still scarred for life,

Emma

P.S. I think you're all just really, really tired. You should go get some sleep. Like a lot of it. And not the kind you think I'm talking about.

* * *

_**R&R!**_


	12. Red Swan- Ruby

Dear FanFiction,

I suppose you can ship who you want to ship. I mean, who's going to stop you, right? You can fantasize about who you want to. It's your head.

Honestly, like really? Why is everyone making such a big deal about this? What's the most a person can do when all they can do is watch from a distance and dream?

Ooh, wait, never mind. Wrong speech. Which one was it?

Oh, yeah. Screw you all.

K, bye!

Sincerely,

Ruby

* * *

_**I'm baaack!**_


	13. Family Issues- Henry, Emma, Snow & David

Dear FanFiction,

In a lot of stories, I don't have any homework! I'm glad you guys agree with me. Homework is a waste of time- I mean, yeah, we've all got problems. A word of advice, homework should just get a therapist! I mean-

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

I apologize for Henry. I dropped him on the head as a child. Wait, I think...

Sincerely,

Emma

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

Ooh! This is like a chain-link email! Well, I'm sorry. Wasn't the best parent ever, I dropped Emma on her head as well. It was bound to happen! Oh, and I might've bumped her head on the cupboard when I was pushing her in there. I'm a lousy dude, okay?

Sincerely,

Charming

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

YOU DROPPED EMMA?!

Enraged,

Snow

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

Oh crap.

Sincerely frightened,

Charming

* * *

_**I had to do it, okay?**_


	14. Sleeping Warrior- Aurora

Dear FanFiction,

So I've recently noticed that everyone seems to be making a big deal out of a line that was said in one of the episodes in season two, which was from myself to Mulan, and reads;

"Have you ever done this before?"

Yeah, you know it. Quit it! Okay? I mean, I'm just a tiny supporting character who got a teeny-weeny part in season two, and everyone's making a fuss about Sleeping Warrior or whatever! WHY?

Not-so-sincerely,

Aurora

P.S. No, I do NOT like Mulan, got it? I like Phillip! As if I need to repeat... *incoherent mumbling*


	15. Sleeping Warrior- Mulan

Dear FanFiction,

No. Just no. Really, just no. I can't take this. I love Phillip. You no understand? I LOVE PHILLIP! Not Aurora! Really! I'd let her die, but Phillip would get mad. Even though he's sort of momentarily dead.

Besides! I'm Mulan. I can handle myself, I don't need to take care of a prissy princess. Now all I need to do is find Archie... Who even ships Sleeping Cricket? Seriously, because it isn't right. They've never even met.

Oh, gods, maybe that's what you people do. Is that what you do? Tell me that's not what you do. Please.

-Mulan


	16. Golden Queen- Gold

Dear FanFiction,

...

Sincerely,

Gold


	17. Golden Queen- Regina

Dear FanFiction,

I assure all of you that Gold is not one of my top priorities at the moment. No, I did not 'get rid of' Belle in hopes that I could 'make the moves on' Rumplestiltskin. Even if I did, the only 'moves' I would make on him would be a punch in the gut.

Sincerely,

Regina

P.S. Have you forgotten that he also dated my mother? Out of curiosity, how would that work?


	18. Hooked Swan- Emma

Dear FanFiction,

Okay. Wait, what?

Seriously? I mean, yeah, everyone knows I'd have chemistry with a rock. It's just pure science. But really, me and Hook? I mean, I would have said anything to get that bean back. We are nothing alike, just to be clear.

I mean, really? If I said I liked tomatoes, would you ship SwanTomatoes? If I liked spoons, would you ship SwanSpoon? I mean, I can't picture a ship like that with Regina or David. SpoonQueen? Yeah, you have fun with yourselves.

Sincerely,

Emma

P.S. Please tell me there isn't a ship called SpoonQueen.


	19. Hooked Swan- Hook

Dear FanFiction,

This is getting a bit _out of hand_, I might say. I'm not too _hooked_ on the idea about me and Emma.

Really? You say you'll go down with this ship? Well... I will admit... Emma is a looker... although I'm slightly different than that, may I say. Just slightly. By a letter.

Ahem.

-Hook

P.S. Yes, all right, it may happen. But I won't make any promises, mates.

P.P.S. Stop shipping me with Gold, yeah?


	20. Dear Show Writers- Sidney

Dear FanFiction and Show Writers,

GODDAMNIT YOU LEFT ME IN PRISON! I'M STILL HERE WHEN THE CURSE BROKE! SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS CELL!

Lividly,

Sidney


	21. JamesxRegina- James

Dear FanFiction,

Wait a minute. Am I dead? I think I'm dead. Quite sure I died a while ago. *pats self* Yeah, I'm pretty dead. I think you get the point. Oh, and I learned how to type! Wait, why am I telling you this?

So how exactly do you ship Regina and I? What does that even mean? Don't think I've ever met her, let me check... nope! Never.

You people are all stalkers. You hear me?! I'm going to execute you for... stalkerishness! Is that a word? Oh, never mind. Just go. Please, go. Go crawl back to your futon or whatever. Bye. Leave me alone.

-James

P.S. This message was rpoofread by Carhming.

_P.P.S. This is Emma. And that guy up there is Charming __**Ultra**_

_**P.P.P.S. Do you like my edit that I made to Emma's message? :P -Regina**_


	22. JamesxRegina- Regina

Dear FanFiction,

James and I?

DERP.

Sincerely,

Regina

P.S. You are so derpy. You are just Mister/Misses Derpity Derpface Derp from the planet Derpania, city Derpaware, street Derpville. Go derp elsewhere.


	23. Swan Queen- Charming

Dear FanFiction,

What? Emma and Regina? Erm...

What?

What?

Did I hear you wrong? Do I need hearing aids?

Sincerely,

Charming _**Ultra**_

_**P.S. You've been Cora'd!**_


	24. Regal Heart (CoraxRegina)- Cora

Dear FanFiction,

THERE'S A FIRECRACKER IN MY WALL! THERE'S A FIRECRACKER IN MY HALL! I WILL BLOW IT UP... unless you stop shipping Regina and I.

Mwah!

Cora

P.S. It's gonna blow up in a few minutes so be quick!


	25. Enchanted Prince (AuroraxDavid)- David

Dear FanFiction,

Just to make things clear, I've never met Charming. Like, ever. Like, never ever.

Yeah.

-Aurora


	26. April Fool's Prank- Regina & Emma

Dear FanFiction,

So today was April Fool's day. For fun, I replaced Emma's toothpaste with mustard, poked holes in the bottom of her Coke bottle, squirted her toothpaste in the pockets of her favorite coat, and put honey in her sneakers.

Sincerely amused,

Regina

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

Regina. This isn't your journal. Get one.

Sincerely annoyed,

Emma

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

Emma, this isn't where you respond to me. Get a blog.

Sincerely,

Regina

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

Thank you for your condescension. Because everyone likes to hear an overrated Evil Queen rant about inadequate pranks.

Emma

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

I was being condescending? My, that's a rather large word... for a blonde. And even for you, Emma.

If you're trying to electrify us with your so-called voluminous vocabulary because you lack a pulchritudinous outsight on the rights of sentient life, you should take your act where it will be more appreciated and understood. Such as the circus.

Regina


	27. Regina the Blonde- Regina & Emma

Dear Emma,

I hate you.

Regina

* * *

Dear Regina,

Feeling is mutual. :)

Emma

* * *

Dear Emma,

You put yellow hair dye in my shampoo bottle.

Regina

* * *

Dear Regina,

Yes, I know. I was there.

Emma

* * *

Dear Emma,

I'm naturally brunette. You're the dumb blonde here.

Regina

* * *

Dear Regina,

Suuure...

Emma


	28. Should I Be Here?- The Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

*frowns*

Should I even be here?

-The Doctor

* * *

_**Happy audition day! :) (For me)**_


	29. Rumbelle- Belle

Dear FanFiction,

*Beams* I'm so happy you ship us so much! Thanks to all my fans! Remember, Rumbelle IS the best ship EVER!

-Belle


	30. Red Queen- Ruby

Dear FanFiction,

Okaay. Can I just say, I think the only time I ever really met Regina was when she was trying to kill me or when we were trying to kill each other?

Trust me, guys. The only thing she's interested in about me is skinning me.

Red


	31. Red Queen- Regina

Dear FanFiction,

_no comment_

-Regina Mills


	32. Frankenwolf- Ruby

Dear FanFiction,

*blushes* Well, he, I...

The only reason I was being nice to him was because he was all sort of grumpy and depressed. I mean... *blushes* It isn't like I like him or anything...

I mean, really, I'm not even a series regular anymore. You guys should just forget about me... *blushes*

Love- I mean, thanks,

Ruby

* * *

_**Sorry if the update isn't that funny, I'm a bit upset right now because I didn't get the role I wanted. I mean, I got a title role, but it wasn't the role I wanted.**_


	33. Frankenwolf- Whale

Dear FanFiction,

Oh, Ruby?

Well, she does look very (this part has been omitted for R rated-ness)

*wink wink*

"Sincerely",

Doctor Whale


	34. Snow Queen- Regina

Dear FanFiction,

Snow Queen.

Really?

At first I had hoped it was some type of fanfiction where... I don't know. Where I run around in the yard and play in the snow with Henry... that's more of a dream than Snow Queen is.

Snow Queen.

...seriously?

-Regina


	35. Snow Queen- Snow

Dear FanFiction,

Really? Oh, you can keep shipping that! As long as my fandom expands, I'm very pleased that-

(This speech has been truncated due to a freakish, tragic "accident" involving Regina, a pan, and Snow. Thank you for your understanding.)

-Snow


	36. SnowxArchie- Archie

Dear FanFiction,

...

...

...

Might I suggest therapy? I have sessions open at nine and eight on Sundays.

Sincerely,

Archie

*cricket chirp*


	37. SnowxArchie- Snow

Dear FanFiction,

Really? Another ship? IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS!

-Snow


	38. Sleeping Warrior (Take 2)- Mulan

Dear FanFiction,

What, you guys? What? I already had a chapter like this. I specifically stated that I didn't like Auror-

Oops. Oops.

We're canon now.

-Mulan


End file.
